I was having coffee with Alasdair yesterday and the conversation turned to the stupidity of customers in shops (although we both admitted that we're doubtless frequently stupid as customers in shops). Anyway, here are some more comedic situations from Waterstones a few years ago:
Phone rings, Alasdair answers it...
A (politely): Hello, Waterstones, Alasdair speaking, how can I help you?
Customer (angrily): Who are you?
A (confused): Alasdair.
Customer (abruptly): What company do you work for?
A (even more confused): Waterstones.
Customer (irately): What's your problem?
Nobly resisting the temptation to reply "You are", Alasdair managed to ascertain that this guy had dialled 1471 to see who had last called him and just dialled the number it gave him. And then not paid any attention at all.
Another day, another eejit...
Customer: I'm looking for the exotic books.
A (with a fairly good idea what the guy means): The exotic books?
Customer (shiftily): Aye.
A (untruthfully): I don't quite understand. Do you mean Sci-Fi, or books on exotic travel destinations?
Customer (getting more agitated): Naw - the exotic books!
A (stirring): I'm sorry, I don't know what you mean.
Customer (shouting): WHERE ARE THE DIRTY BOOKS?!!
And finally, on a particularly fraught Christmas Eve, after wrestling with various technical problems and preventing customers from wrestling with each other...
Customer: I'm looking for a book.
A (at the end of his tether): I'm sorry. We don't have any.
Customer (fortunately possessed of a sense of humour): I asked for that, didn't I?
Although, admittedly I did once go into a newsagents carrying a violin case and ask if they had any Tunes. Don't worry - the violin case just contained a machine gun.
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